bringing this back because perfect
Just getting home from another fantastic happy hour. late night happy hours are theeee best. but anywho…it feels good to be on tumblr via computer rather than my cell phone. so im gonna write for a bit. i can vent a bit. eh.
today was actually pretty good. handled business with school and i didnt even have to curse anyone out. not that i ever really do because im sooooooo lady like smh…but if i get pissed enough its hard to hold that kind of composure. but anyway everything is working out and im taking 3 classes this semester going full time isnt a good idea. I’m giving myself until August to find a better job where I don’t have to work 3 jobs on the regular. so lets see if that works out for me. this way I have time to buy my laptop and start getting my degree online. yes I said it online. lol. idgaf.
college truly has been the most discouraging experience of my life. I do it for my famiyl. and just in case my ass ever has kids.
anyway…my break isnt as extravagant as i planned. im not in the city as much as i intended to be…and my list of things to do just seem to have been pushed back or aside or something. ive made all these lists and nothing! i decided these things must be accomplished by atleast may..I must see a broadway play, an indie concert, ice skate and then go to ihop lol random but i have to do this, do some shoots, meet new photographers, attend a spoken word or another comedy show,go see wendy at the new studio, go dancing!!, i want to paint with people or someone with my bare hands like children., go ombre for fashion week, get more clothes custom made, go more thrifting…, and watch disney cartoons. the only thing ive done on this list was watch disney cartoons lol. i fail at vacation all together for that.
other than me sucking at my own plans..i have things i would love to say but i suck at talking about my feelings. just still trying to figure out what dreams are, what romance is, and more importantly what God wants. my questions are huge. and only time can answer right? on that note good night i can baely keep my eyes open
its funny cause i thought i was gonna write some amazing shit. guess not. im just tired. and my mind wants to write poetry but my heart wont allow it..gnksjnkvjdnck
it annoys me. i use to be sucha good poet. everytime i drink i wanna write. but idk it feels pointless. my feelings…they feel pointless . i dont even know how to connect to this world. im so out of sync . im not like everyone else. and thats not a cliche. its a fact. idk then i blame the fire for all the discouragement with writing for burning all of my words…then i blame the wrold for being so disturbing and making me feel like the last Mahican. lol when i feel like that i just feel there is no point because no one is deep enough to connect anymore. ive been trying to unravel my mind for the longest… i bet theres some amazing shit in there somewhee locked inside of all my filtering and holding back…someday ill find reason again. just need a lil more liquid courage in my cup lol….jk but encouragement will do.
but seriously now signing off my eyes are falling.
Bennett joins NASA.
Laughing at 4am. #icant
Hello…its morning im at the salon bored but thinking . These pass few days have been rather interesting. Idk if lifes playing a trick on me or if i should just be happy. I never new a person could be afraid of being happy.. but happiness is rare. Theres just so much negative energy in this world its just hard to find one truly genuine happy person. This all has to do with my love life.when people find their significant other its like a bonus in life i keep thinking maybe this is mine but….my fear of happy…no wait my fear of being comfortable is overwhelming. Its like i can nvr be comfortable or just relax because of my past. Im just use to things going wrong . To things being too good to be true ….for things slipping through my hands..not because of me because of the world . How does one even hold onto love? How does one even know its true? Those are lousy questions ….how about this how can one be secure its love? I feel lik it takes a life threatening experience but thats very theatrical and hollywood…and i dont think thats correct ….i guess its the matter of action . Seeing is believing , chivalry is not dead? May all the cliches be true. You know its love when prince Charming is. Waiting at your door step…and.underneath your window..right? With plans to possibly steal your heart…well atleast a girl can pray.